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Name : Pauline
DOB : 17th December
Email : hunny_bear@kuririnmail.com
MSN : hui1712@hotmail.com
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Music playing
Zhang Dong Liang - Xiao Wu Gui
And now im alone,
On these cold winter nights
And now im alone,
On these cold winter nights
And now im alone,
On these cold winter nights
Friday, August 18, 2006
Sometimes just wonder why life has to be like this, its kinda sad tats tings had to end up tis way. Wats is rite & wrong, does anyone actually know. Often we tink tings are rite but it actually turn out the other way..just don understand why does everyone hv to complicate tings when actually it can turn out to be quite simple..
Last nite, b4 dad go to work he told me to take the effort & time to guide my bro in his school work, suddenly a sad feeling come over me..looking @ dad make me realise he seems to grow older, i felt heartpain & guilty..if nt for me, he need nt work so hard on nite shift everynite..i felt really useless tat at my age, i still cause worries to him and not contributing to the family. To my bro, i really no longer noe how to guide him..he now has his own mind & refuse to listen to anyone..tis is the rebellious stage tat he is going thr yet there's nothing much i can do..
I'm really trying very hard to redeem myself for my own wrong doings but its not easy without the support of my family & friends. If no one can accept your mistake and give you chance to change & keep on harping on your past, there's no way you can accept and forgive yourself. It takes alot of courage to start all over again and not to tink the negative way. I realise one can be very sensitive thereafter as I'm facing this problem myself. Maybe is because I can't forgive myself. I can't simply erase wat had happen in the past and i'm not use to open up myself to anyone..I like to shoulder everything myself and put on a brave front..tis is wat i'm being culture to be since young especially i'm the eldest and has been carrying the responsibilities since young..not tat i say change means can change tat easily.
Friday, August 11, 2006
i just don understand why tings turn out this way. why can't we talk tings out or start a normal conversation. i'm just trying to strike a conversation with her, i'm just trying to merge in to her life so that we will not have any gap and causes us to drift apart. is it so difficult to engage in a conversation with me...past few days i hv been tinking alot...wat had actually cause all this to happen, is it becoz of me, becoz of wat i had done..i really don noe..maybe i'm being sensitive but i just can't help but notice...she will not tink of sharing her secret, any news with me..if she bought tings or rather out shopping she will not tink of buying anything for me and it has never cross her mind does i wan tis or not or shld she buy for me tis or tat..its quite sad to realise tis...
It seems that my interest is never her concern...and her business is not for me to interfere..i'm really tired. wat shld i do, how shld i behave to salvage tis relationship..the burden is really too huge for my shoulders to take it..i don noe how much longer i can take it..i really can't breath anymore..its tough to put on a force front infront of everyone whereas i'm bleeding and tearing apart deep inside...
why does she hv to treat me like tis...why she can strike the same conversation as her but when come to me..she will react so repulsive..i really miss those old days when all of us are so close or it has never been like tis before and its just a wishful tots of mine? i really don noe...maybe it has really been like tis all the while just tat i did not realise until now...
Monday, August 07, 2006