As Cold As Alone.

Monday, November 20, 2006

nw is 929pm...here i am in the hotel rm to updates my blog..tdy wait up fr the wrong side of the bed..had migraine acting up..on the way to office bought a pack of mee hoon & starbuck coffee 4 breakfast..when i reach office, jeya was nt here yet thus went down 4 a smoke & met her to go up training rm 2gether..she requested me to take over the training 4 awhile while she went in search 4 someting 4 her colleagues on urgent basis..so i went thr our generic email contents..i show the team the email rec'd by CCS and the tings nd to be done..they were quite excited when show them the basic draft story & background of the customer..when ray, vinod & michelle was discussing amg themselves on the story of the customer which they just read when i was having my "speech" jeya came back & she was very annoyed & say them off...i was shocked by her reaction..bt she has her point as she expect full attention of the team incase they miss out anything important stuff..bt still i feel quite bad tat she told them off infront of the whole class & cause them embarrassment..bt there is noting i can do or say..

luckily during our break i had a tok wid ray & vinod & they still maintain positive tots & understand jeya intention..when come to lunch time, as i'm still having my migraine thus i chose to stay in the training rm while all went out 4 lunch..i decide to grab some sushi downstairs & rtn to training rm..i call fern & had a small tok wid my 2 princess t/a follow by a call to my bro..had a gd chat wid him though he kp saying he do nt miss me bt can tell thr the conversation & the question he ask me..he miss me & of coz i miss him alot..we had abt a 10mins conversation b4 i hang up..i try calling yun bt she did nt ans so i call coco & guess wat...she told me yun just gt k by mama in the morning..just as i was abt to hang up..yun rtn fr her buying her lunch coco trans the call to her..upon hearing my voice & me asking her wat happen..she broke down & cry..i was worry & my heart break upon hearing tat..she told me impulsively tat she nt goin 4 recontract if any anymore..i calm her down & ask her nt to tink so much and explain to her tis happen in any office environment thus don hv to take it too hard..its quite normal & matter of getting use to it & overcome it..she understood & i was glad tat she begin to noe hw to tinks maturely..tat make set my mind down & nt worry so much..

when michelle & samantha went 4 their toilets breaks..it was den vinod suddenly announce tdy is michelle birthday..we joke & blame him 4 nt telling us earlier..finally we decide to proceed down to buy a birthday cake 4 her to surprise her..it was den we tok of co-celebration as kelvin's birthday was 1wks bk oso..so we went to opposite shopping centre to buy a cake & surprise both of them when we bring the cake in..kelvin noe we are buying cakes 4 michelle bt nber tot tat we co-celebrated belated birthday 4 him oso..we sang the birthday song, had our cake b4 we proceed to continue wid the training..

at abt 4plus, jeya gave them their mock exam on pass few days training b4 everyone left 4 the day..tdy had dinner with jeya & the hotel restuarant..we had quite a chat & surprisingly jeya told me alot of her personal things..had a great fun & extremely full dinner tonite..it was quite a day tdy..

And now im alone, On these cold winter nights
Monday, November 20, 2006

Sunday, November 19, 2006

wake up tdy abt 930am..went to take breakfast the club lounge..after tat proceed to roam ard the hotel to check out the facilities while mak cik is making up my rm..i went to the gym to check out the rates..it was free for hotel guest & oso the swimming pool..follow by proceed to check out the spa rates b4 i head bk to my rm..tdy decide to watch dvd "She's the Man", it was nice & funny...

Btw i 4got to mention..on friday nite..when i realise surfing net is free. I log on & went to see yun's blog..stupid yun loh..her updates make me cry 4 nothing loh..coming here alone was nt easy & i was actually coping well as i keep telling myself nt to tink so much bt after i saw her updates..the feeling came & my stupid tears start flowing down..shit sia..i was chatting in msn wid fern...i told her tis & she laugh @ me loh...

bk to tdy-sunday..again me slack in hotel rm..took a nap ard 4pm & woke up abt 7pm & i call 2 rm svcs..tdy i order chicken rice 4 dinner..gd to say hotel rm svcs food potion was always very big bt the food really sucks loh..either no taste or to salty..and chicken rice does nt taste like chicken rice bt tats a choice i make since i lazy to go out..when i woke up after my nap..it was raining very heavily & the thunder & lightning was damn loud & strong..i was abit worry..oh shit..i'm staying in 26th floors..will i get strike just like tis so i chose to stay clear of the windows..i noe is stupid to tink tat way lah bt better to becareful den nber rite..after dinner & bath..here i nw trying to update my blogs if nt val & ada will hv their say liao..;P

P/s: yun & fern..don worry abt me..i'm safe here..i miss u all very deeply..luv u all deep deep...ah bao..don be an idiot ok, i don hv any man in my rm ok..fern u better take care & take regular meal hor.. and ada, don worry i will look ard 4 datuk, 1 4 u & 1 4 me ok..especially those kind tat u marry him tdy, he change his will to ur name liao & die next min...hahaha...;p

And now im alone, On these cold winter nights
Sunday, November 19, 2006

Saturday, November 18, 2006

tdy my 5days in Kuala Lumpur, i reach here on tuesday nite for work. will be here till 7th Dec b4 I head back to my hometown..realy miss my family & frenzs & colleagues alot...it has nt been busy 4 me to come here alone and for 3wks...OMG...bt as yun say i can do it one coz i'm dajie ma...kekeke...

i reach hotel abt 8pm to check in..wow..the rm was fantastic sia..king size bed & big bathtub & the view was facing the twin towers & KLCC..and special check in counter @ 21st floor...surfing net is free in rm, complimentary breakfast & teabreak @ club lounge...free 46pcs laundry..free usage of gym, swimming pool etc...everyting so personalise..of coz lah..me stay in club level rm leh..coco came to hotel to find me after her shopping spree ard 930pm..we went to the hotel restaurant to hv buffet dinner..after tat she left 2 her hotel to pack to rtn hm next day.

lucky 4 me the colleagues here was nice & friendly..1st day of work in KL, the trainer-Jeya came to the hotel to tell me the way to office..it was nt far bt nt near oso..its abt 10 mins walk fr hotel..along the backlane towards office route..everyday there is stall of ppl selling breakfast, mostly malay food..we proceed to starbuck to grab some coffer b4 she bring me up to 19th floor where the spore collection hub team will be seating b4 we head to 14th floor, the training room..abt 9am..the team start to come in..it was a ttl team of 8 which 4 of them is newbies..we start the ball rolling by self justtro...as Jeya had to visit her aunt in her hospital during lunch, we had a 2hr lunch break tat day so i decide to head back to hotel to rest & order rm svcs..after lunch i walk back to office n guess wat..just my luck...it start to pour & i was caught in rain & drenched and it was just another few walks to office..left wid no choice.. i hail a cab which cost rm2..

after work..i proceed bk to hotel 4 rm svcs again..tell u..the food in hotel sucks sia bt no choice..too tired to go out..i spelt abt 2am tat nite..guess nt use to so slp late...next day work as usual..when for lunch with Anita(TL) & Jeya @ one of the restaurant just below office and for dinner Jeya bring me to one of the restaurant in KLCC called Mdm Kwan, the food there was damn cheap & heavenly..no wonder coco keep stressing to me must try...after dinner follow by buying some food stuff & drink in cold storage b4 we head back to hotel & hm...

accordingly to the colleagues here fri was the day where other den u can find food @ backlane of office..they will be selling stuff like clothes, accessories & even cars sia..it was real crowded wid ppl & cars..Jeya treat me to eat the famous nasi brayani which was really long q loh..and when u buy food @ backlane..their practices is they give u the box maybe wid rice & u to pick & take the side dishes urself b4 u hand to them to pack it & pay..it was cool...Jeya offer to bring me to the movie on sat..so friday nite..she offer me to bring the training laptop back hotel & bring me to buy some dvd ...woke up on sat morning..gt tis terrible headache so decide to call Jeya to inform her..couldn't reach her bt lucky she call & canx the appointment wid her..went out 4 breakfast after tat back to rm again..I bought ttl 4dvd which cost abt rm6 per dvd..cheap sia..I bought : Rob-A-Hood, Flushed Away, She's the Man & Cars..decide to get somemore next wk again...i basically spend my sat in hotel rm order rm svcs for lunch & dinner...too lazy to go out & moreover got tis stupid migraine act up...

And now im alone, On these cold winter nights
Saturday, November 18, 2006

Thursday, September 21, 2006

yest don noe why feel extremely tired, told myself tat will go slp once reach home after work. Reach hm abt 7pm, had my dinner & den mambo call me..had a chat wid her until ah kang reach hm, den she tell me, they are going to pasar malam with fern later on, ask me wanna go wid them..after much consideration, i decide to go wid them leaving mummy @ hm alone to watch the 'gong' vcd..ah kang drive over to pick me up 1st den we went to tampines mart to pick up yiyun, meina & ah ger follow by picking up fern & caiwei..den we set off to the pasar malam...we were making fun of ah kang saying tat he is the pimp of the nite..he is the only guy wid the 7 of us...

noting much to see @ the pasar malam oso, except buying some of the finger food to munch..ah kang bought the taiwan smelly taufu & let caiwei try..although is smelly but the taste is definitely nt, it is very tasty..after tat we decided to go to bedok85 for our supper, by the time we reach there is abt 1045pm liao..just den ah kang make a sharp turn @ the traffic light there, we had a fright but the feeling is very shiok..we order drinks, chicken wings & of coz the famous ba chou mee..just den charlie came to join us & shortly after he arrive, ah bao arrive too..ya..sometime terrible happen..we suddenly hear a loud bang & guess wat, 1 of the guys seating @ the table behind us fall from his chair..we had a hard time contolling our laughter & not looking @ him...very pai seh..

we had our share of fun chit chatting, joking over there until it was time to go hm..as ah bao drive bike & charlie drive his daddy car, we decided that yiyun will go wid charlie & ah bao on his own, the rest of us take ah kang's lorry so tat he can give us his sharp turn again...it was real fun..by the time we reach hm, is about 12plus le...

i was very tired tdy, no energy to go anywhere thus had to canx dinner appointment with my fren, moreover i had to help my cousin to make chocolate bouquet for his gf whose birthday is tom.. so better go hm straight to complete my mission ba..tink can only rest during the wkend as not 4getting we hv 'ROWAS' event tom which will be another tiring day..

And now im alone, On these cold winter nights
Thursday, September 21, 2006

Monday, September 18, 2006

Last Sat is our company Family day..its a AWWA Charity Fun Fair Event held @ AWWA HQ itself...now everyone must be wondering what is 'AWWA', well....AWWA stand for Asian Women's Welfare Association...

I reach there at about 945am for the briefing & preparing of setting up of the games stall.. Our CSI team ttl handle 4 game stalls namely Acrobat Frogs, Hammer Me, Hooked on Spiders & Red Pole..we hv a ttl team members of 22pax to man this 4stalls..the stall i'm manning of is the Red Pole stall..is actually consists of alot of red pole with min green pole & one hv to throw a ring to hook on the pole & only green pole which got hooked are winner who will get a small little prize..breakfast was provide & guess what...its macdonald breakfast..wow, company so rich to order macdonald...

After which the briefing begin & help was needed for blowing the balloons..this shawn & clarence start making joke abt the 'blowing things' & this continue when we proceed to our stall where the rest of the gang is there to blow the balloons...both vincent, daniel also join in the 'blowing things' & conclusion is vincent is the 'blowing man'...lucky for us eddie bring along the air pumper thus we need nt waste our breath to blow the balloons...other teams are so envy with us & trying their very best to get their hands on our air pumper...

After we got the small little prizes from our organiser, we set off to set up our stalls & 1st crowd start to come in and this continue until the whole events end abt 4pm..den i realise that we have not eaten anyting except our macdonald breakfast..we quckily pack up & proceed to go home as the weather is not looking good..luckly for us, we manage to got on the bus b4 it starts to pour...

Sat is also my dad birthday..he actually call yun & told her not to buy any cake for him ..when we reach home..he is all dress up to go out....mei mei & jie jie present the Sand Art to him as birthday gifts which they done at the fun fair....Can tell mum is quite sad that dad is going out as she purposely came home early to cook chicken rice for him but he will not be at hm to celebrate with us...tink she cry as her eyes look watery & tis stupid yun still go and ask her..obviously she will nt admit lah...

anyway..come to tink abt it...its quite fun to be involve with charity work..i don mind for any further charity work..its very meaningful also..and great to see everyone had a very sunny smile on their face..i really enjoy myself very much..

And now im alone, On these cold winter nights
Monday, September 18, 2006

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Had a very enjoyable and drenched family day last wkend. me, yy, fern, ah bao, boy, meimei, jie, uncle, ah kang, mambo, ah kang's niece & mother went to Pasir Ris Park for picnic & fishing..we were enjoying ourself but ard 2plus the weather start to change, we were in a dilemma whether shld we pack & hide or stay put..finally we decide to pack just incase the sky start to pour..halfway to the lorry, it start to pour & is getting heavier & heavier, by the time we reach the lorry(our hiding place), we were all drenched..luckily the 3 kids were not that drenched. Other than the kids, uncle, ah kang's mother, me hiding under the shelter of the lorry, the rest decide to stand out in the rain..later which i decide to get down & enjoy the rain too..the rain start to stop after some time..not sure whether shld we go back & continue with the fishing/picnic or not we start eating near the lorry..after which when jian zhong arrive with our coffee, everyone decide to go home for bath b4 we proceed to our next destination.

After bathing, we mit up @ our house downstairs & proceed to East Coast Food Centre to have our dinner, the treat is on Ah Kang's mother as she strike 4D. After dinner, we proceed to Bedok Jetty for Ah Bao & Ah Kang to start their 2nd fishing session of the nite. The rest of us crowd ard to chit chat while they fish..Although it might seem boring but actually its quite peaceful & fun and the 3kids are really enjoying themself running ard. We end the nite ard 10.30pm even though none of them manage to caught any fish as the kids are tired and everyone need to work next day..

And now im alone, On these cold winter nights
Thursday, September 14, 2006

Friday, August 18, 2006

Feel very sad and disappointed but not angry after reading her blog..why can't she simply try to understand others & expect ppl to follow her mood swing, her thinking..

i already told her i'm goin out to suntec during my lunch is for work not for shopping, not for fun..instead of trying to understand, she vent her anger at me infront of all my colleagues....don't mention the facts that i'm her elder sister, in office i'm her and other colleagues senior..how she make me look when she happy happy throw her temper at me, show me her black face, talk back at me, refuse to listen to explanation, refuse to follow my instructions on work in the office..the least respect she shld show to me as an eldest sis or senior which she didn't even bother to..don say i did not give her warning before, i did but did she listen, she simply refuse to take it to heart...

she has her temper, i also have my temper, why she can throw temper at me and yet i cannot...its not that i don wan to bring her go, has she ever think the facts that i'm going out is for work purpose not play and what if i come back office late, how will it look if she goes wid me and she is late also, ppl will tink that becoz she is my sis, she got all this priviledge, it does not reflect good on her and me loh..why can't she just understand..if i say her , she will not be happy, she will tink i'm picking on her.. everything i do for her or say to her, she will think i'm picking on her...i really don noe how to be her sis anymore, no matter wat i do or say, it will never please her...

she only noe how to tink of her own feeling..has she tot of mine..she say she miss the days we chasing idol 2gether...now who is deserting who..she go for superband final, she did not bother to ask me along..she go for audition, she also did not ask me to go, same goes to her 2nd round of competition..it has never cross her mind to ask me to go..wat else can i say...

Now who is the one has change, who is the one deserting the others, who is the one building a wall btwn us..like 2nite ago..my bro is singing a song, i can't rem wats the title of the song, i ask him but he did not ans me.. so i turn to her and ask her, was sad and disappointed the way she ans me..i'm just trying to make up some simple, nice talk and this the the treatment i got fr her..who will noes how i feel at the moment, who will understand me..and this kind of situation does not only happen once..is all this my fault..am i asking for it myself..

Wan to have a heart to heart talk with her or chit chat with her, still have to see her mood...but when come to me, i'm leave with no choice, i cannot chose whether i wan to talk to her or ans her question ant..why i have to make myself behave like a slut..begging for her love, begging for her attention, begging to be close with her once more..why do i have to make myself go thr all this..all i wan is us siblings to be close with each other, to have no barriers btwn one another..is it too much to ask for... it is very tiring when its only me doing all this, trying so hard by myself..it is very sad and discouraging when all are pushing themself away from you and them trying to keep away a distance from you..its always take 2hands to clap..handicapped is the best word to describe me now..

I don noe wat has cause all this change..just becoz they think they have grow up already, they no longer need you, they wan their own life, freedom..they will tink you a nuisance, demanding, unreasonable and even pervert...yes i'm very demanding..i'm very unreasonable..i control them..instead of putting all the blame on me..have they ask themselves, wat cause me to behave that way.. i give them a inch, they ask for a yard..i trusted them but they betray my trust..one time, two time or even three time, i still can take it, i still can bring myself to trust them..but haven't the heard of the story " lang lai the gu shi"..it was they themself break this trust btwn us and yet they expect all this all over from me again..

The family is already breaking apart, here i'm trying very hard to keep the family together but becoz of all my this action, they despise me..wat else can i say..my parents is definitely not able to make it up, the only ting that is holding the family together is 4 of us..why can't they understand..everyone behave as nothing has happen..it was only me worrying myself, burden myself with all those worrying..they do not understand at all..

i rem my parents always quarrel since i'm young..i have to face this all alone..hiding in the room crying under my blankets..putting on a brave front as an elder sis..sometimes, my mum will run away from home after quarelling..even though i'm afraid but i still have to act brave and nothing has happen..often i will sit by the window crying waiting for my mum to come home but she did not until next morning..i cannot cry infront anyone as i'm the eldest...everyone depend on me and look up to me as the independent & brave one..i have to fight this fear myself...Its tough but i have no choice..and wat sad is no one understand..everyone think i'm worrying too much and making hill out of a mountain..and they also think i took things too seriously..but i just can't help it...tis is just me..wat to do..

Watever it is past is past..no one is perfect..we just have to do our part & no point harping on the past...its still a long journey to go in our life.....

And now im alone, On these cold winter nights
Friday, August 18, 2006